If you're constantly reminding your wife or husband for all those times we were injured or caused us any anxiety, it means that we have not really forgiven. The things that happened in the past should be left behind and not to be used as arguments to new disputes. Couples who are constantly falling in these practices, often end up transforming them into a habit and become victims of their own selfishness and unable to free him.
As-sabr (patience) is the most valuable tool to keep a balanced life and good. Being patient and kind to put us in a state of mind and spirit that makes us come closer to Allah Ta'ala through tawakkul (entrust to Allah) and our confidence in Him Patience is an internal mechanism that gives us the power to deal with the difficulties of life. As Allah Ta'ala says in Surah Al-'Asr: "By the Time. Surely mankind is in perdition. Except those who believe, which work well and enjoin truth and patience."
Many couples become unhappy because they are not able to bend a little. We should not expect your wife or husband is an extension of us. They are special, with their personalities, likes and things that do not like. We must respect their right to be themselves as long as this does not compromise their religion. Be inflexible and unable to adjust our individual differences leads to a tense home atmosphere and very stressful.
This aspect of marriage has three elements:
The first is to develop a friendship with our spouse. A relationship based on friendship is better able to resist external pressures.
We honor, trust, respect and care for our friends, despite our differences. It is these aspects of friendship that we bring to our marriage.
Unfortunately, the only aspect that people think of taking your marriage is the camaraderie, attitude which is very inconvenient. The Shariah (Islamic law) has placed the husband in a leadership role within the family, and this requires a certain composure that could not be maintained if the spouses consider each other as comrades.
This should not be understood as the husband is a dictator but as a pastor who is responsible for a herd. This is a position of great responsibility and carries a huge burden on the husband. Moreover, children should see their parents as friends, but not as comrades and partners, and that this encourages disrespect.
A second aspect of friendship is to have friendly relations with in-laws. When couples compete about which relatives are most important, then it generates a constant source of suffering. Much valuable time is wasted trying to convince each other about who are the relatives most important ones. It's much better if we accept that our husband or wife is not going to fall in love with our kindred of the overnight just because we want to do so. While we maintain friendly relations, cordial and mutual respect will not be necessary to force the issue further.
The third aspect or element is our circle of friends. It is OK that spouses have their own friends if they are of the same sex, but couples should make an effort to have friends in the family so they can make social life together and avoid the friendships between the sexes. If friction is caused by some kind of friendship should not continue with it at the expense of marriage. The Prophet Muhammad (sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam) advised us to seek Allah-fearing people to make friends, because we feel inclined to be like them. Friends should be a source of amusement and disgust.
Couples who do not laugh together should strive to find common moments of fun. It is known that the Prophet Muhammad (sallallaahu "alaihi wasallam) used to play with their wives. A simple stroll in the park can deliver much light on the relationship. Also we should practice a sport together.